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  And then a river of secrets and emotions flooded out of Mark. He needed to talk and he knew Abby would listen and keep every secret he told her. “I’ve been with this guy, John, for two years. It’s pretty serious. I think I love him. Of course, I could never tell Mom and Dad or Haley for that matter. They would go nuts.”

  Abby didn’t go nuts at all. In fact, she said she was happy for him and wanted to know all about John. “So who is this guy who has captured my brother’s heart?” she asked. “Tell me everything about him.” He told her that John was kind and gentle. He had dreams of being a famous dancer but was presently working as a bartender, and Abby just smiled in response. Abby doesn’t care what people think of her or what my parents want from her, Mark thought.

  “I don’t live for them, Marky, I live for me,” Abby constantly told him.

  “John and I were perfect for each other from the first day we met. We want the same things in life. We both adore the performing arts. We love living in New York. It’s important to us to wear nice clothes and be seen in trendy restaurants. But most of all, the sex between us is over the top,” Mark said.

  “Oh, do tell . . . ” Abby said.

  John walked into the room, pulling Mark back to the present. “Mark, hurry up and finish packing. What’s up with you? You seem so distracted.”

  John added, “So, have you thought about what we talked about?”

  “Yes, I have.”

  “And? What have you decided? Are you going to tell them you’re gay? Are you going to tell them about us?” John went into the bathroom, which was adjacent to the bedroom and got a can of deodorant off the shelf. He came back and handed it to Mark, who put it into his suitcase.

  “I can’t,” Mark said.

  “You can. And you should. We have been living together for three years now. I have a feeling that they probably already know. I mean, seriously, Mark. What do you think they thought you were doing when you were a kid and you were locked in your room for hours with your friend Earl? You told me the two of you spent whole afternoons in bed. Do you think they were that stupid? They could see that you and Earl were more than just school chums. I have a feeling that you are going to be surprised when you tell them. There’s really a very good chance that they will say they already knew.”

  “I don’t think so. You don’t know my parents,” Mark said.

  “I don’t have to. Don’t you think they could tell when you were a kid? When I came out, my father was a little disappointed at first, but he said he knew all along.”

  “And your parents weren’t upset?”

  “Yes, of course they were when I first told them. My mother cried. But then she got over it. Mark, you can’t live a lie. It’s not fair to you. It’s not fair to us. If you want to know the truth . . . I feel bad that I can’t go to your sister’s wedding with you.”

  “Could you just imagine my father? He would go crazy if I told him that I was gay and you were my boyfriend. Then if I brought you to the wedding?” Mark said, shaking his head. “My father is from Europe. From the old country. He’s old-school. With old-school ways.”

  “So here I am waiting for you in New York, keeping our sinful dirty little secret. Is that it?”

  “You know how I feel about you, John. Our love is not a sinful secret. But my father is a Holocaust survivor from Russia. He isn’t modern. I can’t do this to Haley on her wedding day.”

  “So you’ll come out . . . but not on Haley’s wedding day?”

  “Yes. If that’s what you want.”

  “It is. I want you to tell them because I want to know that you take me, us, seriously. My parents have accepted us. Yours should too.”

  “They should, but my father won’t.”

  “Probably not at first. But he’ll come around.”

  “We’ll see. Let me get through the wedding and then I promise, I’ll tell them.”

  “Fair enough,” John said. “Did you hear from your sister Abby?”

  “Yes, she finally got back to me. She’s not going to the wedding. She hates Haley. She hates my mother. And she isn’t very fond of my dad either.”

  “Where is she now?”

  “Living with some guy in London. Who knows how long this one will last. I worry about her.”

  “I can’t say I blame you. She lives on the edge; that’s for sure. She won’t let anyone get too close to her.”

  “I wish she was coming. I would like to see her. It’s been a while.”

  “So let’s go to London.”

  “Can you get the time off?” Mark asked.

  “I’d do anything for you, Mark.”

  “We don’t have the money.”

  “That’s true.”

  Mark leaned down and kissed John. “I do love you. You know that, don’t you?”

  “Sometimes,” John said pouting. “Sometimes I think you’re ashamed of me.”

  “I am never ashamed of you, John. It’s not you. And I’m sorry that I can’t take you to the wedding.”

  “I understand, but you promise to tell them after the wedding so we can stop hiding like we are doing something wrong.”

  “And I will keep my promise,” Mark said. A horn honked outside.

  “Your taxi is here,” John said.

  “I’ll miss you.” Mark embraced John.

  “I miss you already. You better hope I don’t start looking at other guys while you’re gone.”

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “No, I wouldn’t. I’m just kidding. Giving you a hard time. Go and have fun. Call me . . . ”

  “Of course. Every night,” Mark said as he picked up his suitcase and draped the hanging bag over his arm. Leaning down, he kissed John goodbye and left, locking the door to their apartment. They shared a small one-bedroom apartment in an older building in downtown Manhattan. It was right in the middle of the excitement of New York City and that was where Mark wanted to be. In fact, from his bedroom window he could see the big famous billboard in Times Square. This had been his dream since childhood. He was living in the Theater District with a man he loved. His life was as perfect as it could be, except that he and John were living their lives in secret. Except for Abby, his family thought he was straight. His parents were always telling him they wanted their rabbi friend to make a shidduch, a match, for him. “You’re getting older, Mark,” his father would say. “It’s time you think about settling down, getting married. I got married late and had children late. And believe me, there were many times that I wished I had started my family when I was younger. It’s easier to keep up with kids if you’re not too old.”

  How can I go about telling my father that there will never be any children? Not unless John and I decide to get a surrogate involved and that is a real slippery slope. We’ve discussed the possibility and together we’ve made the decision that we don’t want to do that. We’d rather adopt. But what are the chances that gay adoption will ever be legal? Even if we could adopt a child, my father will still be devastated when he learns the truth about me. I am dreading this trip. I hate looking at my parents and knowing that I am lying to them. For Mark, this was to be a trip back in time, back to all the memories he had of growing up with his parents. It was as if the plane he was boarding today was a time machine right out of an H.G. Wells novel, carrying him all the way back to his childhood, back to the shy and lonely boy he’d been in that little home in Skokie, Illinois, just outside of Chicago.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Skokie, Illinois 1990

  Dovid carried the white satin box into his daughter Haley’s bedroom.

  “Your headpiece just arrived. It was delivered from the florist,” Dovid said.

  “Did you have a chance to open it, Daddy?”

  “Of course. You think I could resist looking at it?” Dovid smiled. “It’s beautiful. White roses with baby’s breath. It’s exactly like the picture you showed me.”

  “Oh, Daddy, let me see!” Haley opened the box with eager hands. Carefully, she lifted the headpi
ece that would attach to her wedding veil that evening. “It’s perfect!” she said then she put the headpiece down and hugged Dovid. “I can’t believe it, Daddy. I am getting married today.”

  “I know. My youngest child is the first to get married. I thought it would be Mark but it’s you.” He smiled and gently pinched her chin. “You are going to be the most beautiful bride. Well, maybe the second most. Your mother was the most beautiful.” He winked at her.

  “Did I hear you say something about me?” Eidel walked in with Haley’s gown in her arms. She laid it on the bed. “Dovid, please put the headpiece in the refrigerator so it stays fresh.”

  “I said Haley was the second most beautiful bride because you were the first.”

  “Oh, Dovi. After all these years . . . ”

  “After all these years I still love you even more and more every day. You’re my bershart, Eidel.”

  “Yes, you’re so right, Dovi. We were bershart,” she said.

  He picked up the box with the headpiece inside and began to walk out of the room. But before he left he turned and said, “God took my parents when I was very young. Then later, he took two of my good friends. And just a few months ago, I had to say goodbye to my friend Harry. He should rest in peace. I don’t have to tell you, but it’s been a tough life we’ve had together. Still, I can’t complain, because even with all that I have lost I feel blessed because God has given me you and our children. So I am a lucky man.”

  “Speaking of ALL of your children, Dad, has anyone heard from Abby?” Haley asked.

  “Not a word,” Eidel said.

  “Did you talk to Mark?” Haley asked.

  “Yes, of course your brother is coming. He says he wouldn’t miss the wedding for the world. But he says he hasn’t heard from Abby,” Eidel said.

  “So we don’t even know if she even got the invitation?” Haley asked.

  “We don’t know. The last Mark heard from her she was in England. Now the phone is disconnected. You know Abby. She’s always been like this, not responsible. Too wild. Let’s not let Abby spoil your special day,” Eidel said.

  Dovid shook his head. Abby. Sweet little Abby. How had things gone so wrong with his daughter? Lines of worry creased his forehead. He wished he could find a way to reach Abby. She worried him. His secret fear was that one day he would receive a call from the police informing him that Abby had been found dead. Of course, he would never share his worries with Eidel. Why upset his wife? It was bad enough that he lived in constant dread. In fact, a month ago, when the phone rang in the middle of the night, he stumbled out of bed to grab it, sweat pouring down his forehead. It was only a wrong number but it could have been the call, the one he was so frightened would come one night when he least expected it.

  Dovid went to put the headpiece in the refrigerator, leaving Haley and her mother to finish dressing.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Eidel couldn’t believe her eyes when she looked at her daughter in her wedding gown. It seemed as if Haley had grown up overnight. She was no longer a child—she was a woman and a beautiful woman. Eidel felt tears form in the back of her eyes. How was it that Haley could look so much like Helen when Helen was not her birth mother? There were no blood ties between them, but gazing at Haley now, Eidel was somehow able to see Helen in Haley. Perhaps that was the special spark that had connected her and Haley and made the two of them so close from the day Haley was born. She had to admit that she never felt as close to her other two children, yet there was just something about Haley . . . maybe it was the resemblance to Helen.

  Eidel took the lace veil out of the box and shook it until it fluffed out.

  “Mom, I thought I heard Dad say that the two of you and Ida are planning to sell the restaurant. Is it true?”

  “We’ve been talking about it with Ida.”

  “It must have been hard for her losing Harry. He was a wonderful husband and the two of them had been through so much together.”

  “Yes, that’s for sure. They loved each other very much. Harry, he should rest in peace, was a good friend to our family as well. And they were the best business partners anyone could ever ask for. I remember when we all opened that restaurant together. We were young and so excited. Do you remember any of it?”

  “I only recall going there with you and Dad to help out sometimes. I don’t remember the opening.”

  “You were very young.”

  “Do you want to retire, Mom?”

  “I wouldn’t mind. But it’s not me so much. I think Ida has had it with working. She’s tired. And as I said, she and Harry spent years being together, working day in and day out at the restaurant. Now she goes to work at the same place but she is alone. It must be very hard for her.”

  “Yes, I would think so. I would think she must be overcome with memories.”

  “We will probably sell. I would like Ida to move into our house with us. But who knows if she will agree. I’ve asked her several times and so far she refuses. I will give her some time and ask again.”

  “She could have her choice of rooms, the one I shared with Abby or Mark’s room.”

  “The entire basement is finished like a separate apartment as well. She could live there rent-free. It has its own bathroom. I would be so happy to have her here. She’s been like a sister to me. But you know Ida. She’s always been very independent.”

  “I know, Mom. She is the closest thing to an aunt I have ever known. That’s why I chose her to stand up at the wedding tonight as my matron of honor. ”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  The ceremony was held at Temple Beth Israel. The Levis were members and the old rabbi was a long-time family friend.

  When Dovid and Eidel arrived with Haley, Rabbi Mittleman shook Dovid’s hand. “Mazel tov. Today is the special day,” he said.

  Dovid shook his head. “My little one is going to be a bride, a kallah today! Has the chazen arrived yet?”

  “He’s here. He was early. A nervous groom,” the rabbi laughed.

  “He’s a nice boy, this Simon Meier, don’t you think?” Dovid asked.

  “Yes, I like him.”

  “He’s a Jew. And he’s an accountant. That’s a good solid profession. I am glad that my Haley will have security.”

  “Before you know it, you’ll be a zayde. Can you believe it? It seems like yesterday we were having a bris, a circumcision party, for Mark. Now Haley is going to be a wife and before you know it we’ll be having a bris for her son.”

  “From your mouth to God’s ears, Rabbi. It would be such nachas, such a blessing, for Haley to have a son. In fact, you know what? Between you and me, Rabbi . . . I would love it if Mark would find a nice Jewish girl and get married. Then with God’s help, he would have a little boy to carry on the Levi name. Mark is my only son. It lies with him to see to it that my father’s name will not die with me.”

  “Yes, but let’s not talk about that today, that is putting a lot of pressure on Mark. Why don’t we just enjoy the wedding, Dovi? Let’s make this day about Haley and her new husband.”

  “You’re right as always, Rabbi. But I can’t help thinking about the future of all of my children and my family legacy. I’m sixty-two. I’m in the senior phase of my life. As you know, Harry passed away recently. We were best friends; the same age. I am beginning to feel my own mortality. When I go, I want to be sure that . . .”

  “Dovi. Stop, please. No talk of death or sadness on your daughter’s wedding day. Be happy. Let the earth shudder with the joy of this wonderful occasion. Enjoy, laugh, dance, eat, and drink, do it for Haley’s sake. Stop worrying about everything.”

  Dovid nodded his head. The rabbi knows about the problems we’ve had with Abby. He is trying to tell me not to let anything Abby does today spoil things for Haley.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  After Eidel laid the dress down on the bed, she left Haley alone to finish getting dressed. Haley had set her long blond hair with electric rollers that morning and the brightly colored plastic rollers w
ere still in place as she sat down at her dressing table where a tube of mascara, a jar of foundation, a small cardboard box of loose powder sat. Haley began to carefully put on her makeup. I can’t believe it. Today is the day! It’s finally here. She and Simon Meier had been dating since her senior year in college. They met in a European history class at The University of Illinois at Champaign-Urbana. The school was several hours south of Chicago by car. She had wanted the experience of going away to school and had applied and been accepted to schools throughout the U.S. She was accepted at Ohio State and Washington State, but when she made her decision to go to Champaign it was because she didn’t want to be too far away from her mother.

  One of her favorite professors put her and Simon together to work on a project. Simon had a wonderful memory she not so much. He impressed her with his brilliant mind and she impressed him with her pretty face and lovely figure. They started dating. Simon had all the qualities that Haley was looking for in a man. He was intelligent and from a good wealthy family. It was important to her not to disappoint her parents. She had a list of things she was looking for in a future husband. He had to be a professional. Well, Simon fit that. He was planning to be a CPA. His family needed to be close to hers because she didn’t want to live too far away from her parents. Simon’s family lived in Lincolnwood, a suburb that was only fifteen minutes from Skokie. That was good because they had agreed that they would live near both sets of parents. Simon’s father was a CPA, his mother a housewife. His two brothers were both younger and planning to go to college. Haley was glad to be able to tell her father that Simon was Jewish. Simon was not devastatingly handsome, but he was attractive enough to be considered pleasant-looking. He was tall and slender with honey-brown hair and light-brown eyes. All in all, he met every bit of criteria on her list. However, he was lacking one thing; one thing that Haley never mentioned to anyone. They had no chemistry. After they’d been dating for a year he proposed as expected. He gave her a lovely ring. Simon did everything right but when they made love, she found herself thinking So that was it? This is what all the hype is about? It was Haley’s first time, so she thought, Maybe it will get better as we get used to each other more.